Rules of a Successful Pen Pal Relationship by Josh Kruger

January 26, 2024
12:50 pm

There may come a time when you feel like your pen pal is “the one.” The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that prisoners do have a constitutional right to marry (See Turner v. Safley, 482 U.S. 78 (1987). But just because you have the right to do something doesn’t necessarily mean you should do it.

My twin brother met a pen pal while he was in federal prison. She was great for him for over nine years and they were married. Once he got out they had a daughter together. But it didn’t work out. They ultimately got a divorce. There have been many successful prison pen pal relationships, though. And TV Shows like Prison Wives Club and Love After Lockup have shown some of them. In case your pen pal friendship turns into something more serious, I want to share 10 rules with you that can help make your relationship the best it can be.

Rule #1: Don’t hesitate to admit when you are wrong
Rule #2: Don’t prolong disputes and arguments
Rule #3: Compliment and praise your partner every day if you are able to do so
Rule #4: Share your financial situation with your partner and help each other out if possible
Rule #5: Unless they want to talk about it, try to leave the petty prison stuff out of your relationship. You should be their escape and safe place!
Rule #6: Appreciate each other’s differences
Rule #7: Prove to your pen pal by your actions that you trust them
Rule #8: Find a way to keep your relationship interesting and exciting
Rule #9: Never stop showing your partner the three A’s: attention, affection, and appreciation
Rule #10: Remember that the pen pal you’re writing may not be the same once you get out. Anybody can be anything in a letter.

Yes, only 10 rules. But being in a relationship with a prisoner is hard. Is it worth it? Yes, it can be. In my books, The Millionaire Prisoner and Pen Pal Success, I give my reader 25 questions they can ask themself to decide if their pen pal is “The one.” Only you can make that decision. I wish you the best in your search for your special pen pal.

“By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.”
-Socrates

One Last Thing

Some years ago I had the chance to read A Man for All Markets by mathematician Edward Thorp. In that book he describes a talk he had to give as a graduate student at UCLA entitled: What Every Young Girl Should Know. What he talked about was the so-called marriage problem in mathematics. Here it is in his own words:

“Assume that you will interview a series of people, from which you will choose one. Further, you must consider them one at a time, and having once rejected someone, you cannot reconsider. The optimal strategy is to wait until you have seen about 37 percent of the prospects, then choose the next one you see who is better than anybody among the first 37 percent that you passed over. If no one is better, you are stuck with the last person on the list.”

That advice can be helpful when selecting your pen pals. Don’t always look for a “perfect” pen pal to be with. No one is perfect in life. But they could be perfect for you. Use this website to find your special pen pal, not your perfect pen pal.