Many emotional connections can die off when a man finds himself in prison dealing with the disconnection and isolation that is a typical part of prison life. Can you imagine being shunned from the outer world, not just physically but emotionally, too? Unfortunately, it is a harsh reality and can be softened with the right kind of love and human love. When it comes to prison, a woman able to make her incarcerated partner feel needed for her doesn’t only keep the relationship alive; it builds upon it, funds his self-worth, and gives him something to hold on to in times of struggle.
In mutual relations, it is most straightforward to forget that relationships are basically a two-way street, and instead of hypothesizing what is missing or what has to be changed, we are trying to fix our partners. The worst mistake anyone can make in a relationship is thinking that they have to change the other person. This will only make things rocky for the relationship. If a man is in prison, he has enough on his plate without you trying to ‘change’ him. He needs your support, understanding, and confidence that he still counts on you.
There is no need for a physical presence, but what if there can be an emotional presence? That’s what it’s all about. The ability to connect emotionally to other people can flow through literal and figurative walls. You can’t mistress him in person sometimes, but how you show up emotionally can more deeply bond you than sharing another day in person. Words aren’t just enough; it’s your energy, what you do so he feels valued and respected, and how he is kept wanted, loved, and cherished even miles away.
Changing how you communicate, react, and respond to him is a valuable partner role in creating change. There is some power in reshaping his feelings about his relationship and himself. But how do you do this? How do you make him feel needed and valued while he is behind bars? The trick is not so much asking her how she likes it as it is knowing what simple, consistent, and heartfelt gestures will exude the same feelings that you measurably notice. It’s not a magic formula other than love, patience, and strong dedication to the relationship.
For your significant other who simply can’t physically be there to show his value to you, finding different ways to let him know he’s important is essential. This is a step-by-step guide to making him feel appreciated, respected, and necessary to your life.
Seek His Advice and His Opinions
The prison deprives a man of the ability to make decisions for himself and then leaves him powerless. Asking for his thoughts on anything and everything is one of the best ways to make him feel needed.
Whether it’s about your personal life, some project you’re working on, or even as simple as asking how to structure your day, it ensures him that his opinions are still valid. To be honest, for a moment, when a woman opens up about her problems, she isn’t seeking the solution to a problem; she just wants to vent. But for men? It’s the opposite. They’re wired to fix things. Therefore, if you’re bringing up something, he’ll naturally assume you want his input. You should be intentional; don’t ask for his advice unless you want it. Whenever you seek his opinion, you enable him to feel much of a role in your life.
A little gesture of help you might mistake for a small piece of advice will give him a feeling of control and importance in a place where this often seems lacking. Something as simple as “That’s a great idea” or “I really needed to hear that” will go a long way towards building a sense of connection and gratitude in him.
Express Emotional Dependence
Deep, lonely men often feel disconnected from the world outside, particularly in prison. They can feel like they exist only for them to be invisible or unimportant. Of course, when you open up to him (sharing your emotions, challenges, daily life, etc.) – you close that gap. Confiding in him means he plays an essential emotional role in your life.
Being emotionally dependent is not expressing that you require emotional support; instead, it does more to show him the importance you place on his being there and wanting to care. Such simple gestures as “I feel so great about your words when I’ve had a bad day” or “I was so glad to hear your encouragement” let him know that his emotional support is real in your life. You strengthen the relationship with you when you acknowledge how his presence raises you.
Reinforce His Role as a Man
Prison can really mess with a man’s sense of masculinity and balance, especially when you are stripped of your freedom. Reminding him that, as things are, you still see and appreciate him is crucial, but it is essential to let him know that he is still the man you see him as. Tell him that his role as a man, partner, and protector in good standing is still relevant, even from afar.
Every word you can say to him to lift him up, words like ‘I always feel so safe knowing you are in my life’ or ‘You make me feel so loved, even from far away.’ These simple affirmations allow him to keep his pride and strength so that he knows that his value hasn’t diminished. It serves as a significant boost in times of need. It is also uplifting for him to feel that reinforcing his masculine identity helps him maintain a sense of pride and responsibility during such a difficult time.
Give Him Responsibilities
He cannot help physically with things, but by giving him tasks or jobs, let him feel that you trust him and trust him to be a part of your life. It can be anything, such as helping you decide or holding you accountable for your goal. You can ask him to help you and make him feel he has something to do—be it on fitness, self-improvement, or resolving certain decisions in life.
Giving responsibilities to men is like a glue for them that helps them feel important and connected to you. For example, you can instruct him to push you to achieve financial goals or guard against poor habits. It builds a sense of partnership and trust when he knows you rely on him.
Show Loyalty and Dedication
Showing loyalty to a man is one of the most important ways to make him feel needed. Feeling abandonment and rejection, prison can be brutal, and the need to communicate consistently through letters, phone calls, and visits with him is imperative in making him feel valuable. Say you’re not going anywhere, and you can reassure him that you believe in his potential and that he will be there all the way.
Your consistency speaks volumes. But by trying to keep the connection even in the hard times, you provide him something to look forward to. The most essential part of any healthy relationship is loyalty, especially when one of the partners is in jail. Tell him you are dedicated to the relationship and him, even if he isn’t currently in a state where things are rosy.
Encourage His Growth
Encouraging a man to grow when he can grow and better himself is essential, even in prison. Inquire about his plans for the future, his goals, and his work on any self-improvement his making. It could be a hobby, a new skill, mental health… whatever he’s doing; if he’s showing interest in his progress, it’s showing interest that you care for him for more than his incarceration.
Tell him you have faith in him to evolve, change, and become more assertive on the other side. This sort of encouragement can keep his mind on constructive goals and self-improvement at a time when hope is not the most obtainable item. He has a sense of purpose and motivation when he knows you’re rooting for him to evolve.
Make Him Feel That He’s Your Protector
A man behind bars wants to be able to protect his loved ones from behind bars, despite being in jail. You reinforce that you are grateful for his emotional support and that he makes you feel like a guardian in your life. “I always feel stronger when I hear your advice, or I feel protected having you in my corner.”
This will help him feel that his role as your protector is still essential, even if he cannot physically protect you. Not only that, this makes him emotionally attached to you but also increases his feeling of manliness; he’s worthy of or better than all the rest.
One of a woman’s great powers in making a man in prison feel needed is to help strengthen and boost his confidence and emotional well-being. Reinforcing his values, supporting his development, and remaining faithful to him will help him feel valued and purposeful. Although the two may be separated by a great physical distance, they can create a bond of emotional closeness, despite the distances, allowing one to feel so connected. Next time, it’s not phone calls or letters; it’s about the emotional foundation you build and maintain, allowing both of you to flourish despite the challenges you might face.
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About the author: Luis Paz is a lifetime member of PenPals.Buzz. He’s incarcerated in Tennessee, and enjoys journaling, reflecting on life, and pushing himself forward. Write to him at: Luis Paz #526750, Hardeman County Correctional Facility, 2520 Union Springs Road, Whiteville, TN 38075.
