Bad Boy to Good Boy: The Impact of Pen Pals on Inmates’ Behavior

Prison inmates with pen pals often experience significant changes in their behavior. Having a pen pal can provide a meaningful connection to the outside world, offering emotional support and a sense of normalcy. This practice, rooted in and heavily promoted in the early days of the prison system, has shown proven benefits such as reduced recidivism and improved mental health. However, it’s not without its controversies. Critics argue it can create security risks and emotional dependencies. Some state departments of correction even ban inmates from seeking pen pals entirely, making over-reaching (absurd) and sweeping statements like, “All inmates just want to manipulate vulnerable pen pals for money.” In this post, we’ll explore these dynamics, shedding light on both the positive and negative impacts of inmate pen pal programs.

The Evolution of Pen Pals in the Prison System

Understanding how pen pal programs have changed over time can give us insight into their impact on inmate behavior. Let’s start at the beginning and see how these programs have transformed.

Historical Background

Pen pal programs in prisons began in the mid-20th century. Originally, religious and charitable organizations thought that exchanging letters could help inmates feel less isolated. The idea was simple: give prisoners a friend on the outside to talk to and help them maintain a connection to the world.

In the early days, most pen pal relationships were arranged through church groups or community organizations. Volunteers from these groups would write to inmates, offering support and encouragement. The primary goal was to boost inmates’ morale and provide them with a sense of hope.

Modern Pen Pal Programs

Today, pen pal programs are much more structured and widespread. They often include various kinds of support, both emotional and practical. Here are some key features of modern pen pal programs:

1. Organized Networks: There are now dedicated organizations that match inmates with pen pals. Websites like WriteAPrisoner.com, PenACon.com, and of course PenPals.Buzz, help inmates connect with free-world pen pals from around the world.
2. Technology Integration: While traditional paper letters are still common, many inmates prefer using their prison’s email system or text messaging system to facilitate faster communication. This can help inmates and their pen pals keep in touch more frequently, but in doing so, the quality of the friendship can lack depth. (Think of texting a friend versus receiving a written letter).
3. Expanded Goals: Beyond emotional support, some pen pal programs aim to help inmates with reentry into society. They may offer advice on job searches, a free blog on Inmate Blogger, educational opportunities, and other resources to aid in rehabilitation.

Today’s pen pal programs blend human connection with technological advantages, making it easier and safer for inmates to build meaningful relationships. This evolution reflects society’s growing recognition of the importance of mental and emotional well-being for inmates. By providing these connections, modern pen pal programs continue to offer a lifeline to those behind bars.

Psychological Impact on Inmates

When inmates establish pen pal relationships, the psychological benefits can be significant. These connections offer more than just a friendly chat—they can fundamentally change an inmate’s mental health and future behavior.

Emotional Support and Mental Health

Having a pen pal can be like having a lifeline. For inmates, who often experience loneliness and isolation, this connection can provide much-needed emotional support. This type of friendship goes beyond casual conversations; it addresses deeper needs.

• Emotional Outlet: Inmates can share their thoughts and feelings, which they might not be able to express within the prison environment. This emotional outlet can reduce stress and anxiety.
• Sense of Belonging: Getting letters from someone on the outside gives inmates a sense of belonging. They feel remembered and valued, which can significantly boost their morale.
• Mental Stimulation: Writing and reading letters keep their minds active. It encourages them to think, articulate their thoughts, and engage in meaningful dialogue.
• Reduction in Depression: Regular correspondence with a pen pal can help alleviate feelings of depression. Knowing that someone cares about them can make a world of difference.

Reduction in Recidivism

Studies suggest that inmates with pen pals are up to six times less likely to reoffend after release. The impact of these relationships appears to extend far beyond just the time spent in prison.

• Building Trust: Pen pal programs often lead to relationships built on trust. This trust helps inmates develop social skills necessary for reintegration into society.
• Positive Reinforcement: Regular positive interactions with pen pals encourage inmates to adopt better behavior. They want to reflect the best version of themselves to their pen pals.
• Community Connection: Maintaining a relationship with someone outside the prison walls can help inmates feel connected to the broader community. This connection can be motivational for those looking to start anew.
• Evidence from Research: A study from the University of Warwick found that inmates who participated in pen pal programs had lower recidivism rates. The emotional bonds formed through these programs provided a support network that continued to benefit inmates even after release.

By offering emotional support and reducing the likelihood of reoffending, pen pal relationships serve as a crucial tool in the rehabilitation process for inmates. These benefits highlight the profound impact that a simple exchange of letters can have on the lives of those behind bars.

Social Benefits and Behavioral Changes

Connecting with a pen pal can bring significant social and behavioral changes in inmates. Through regular correspondence, many inmates see improvements in their communication skills and social interactions, both inside and outside the prison.

Improved Communication Skills

Regularly writing letters helps inmates improve their communication abilities. This practice translates into better expressions of thoughts and feelings, which can have long-lasting effects. Here’s how:

• Enhanced Writing Skills: Inmates who frequently write letters get plenty of practice. They learn to better express their thoughts through writing. This can be especially beneficial if they struggle with literacy or have had limited educational opportunities.
• Clearer Thinking: Writing requires organization. When inmates write to their pen pals, they must organize their thoughts. This process helps them think more clearly and communicate more effectively.
• Listening and Responding: Reading a letter requires careful attention. Writing a response requires thoughtful consideration. This back-and-forth helps inmates become better listeners and responders, skills that are crucial for positive social interactions.
• Building Empathy: Understanding and responding to someone else’s life and experiences can build empathy. By stepping into their pen pal’s shoes, inmates can learn to view situations from different perspectives.

Increased communication practice not only benefits inmates while incarcerated but also prepares them for a smoother reintegration into society.

Enhanced Social Interaction

Pen pal relationships play a critical role in improving an inmate’s social skills. These interactions can make a powerful difference in their behavior.

• Reduced Isolation: Inmates often feel isolated from the world. A pen pal provides a consistent connection to the outside world, reducing feelings of loneliness and abandonment.
• Social Confidence: Positive ongoing interactions with a pen pal can increase an inmate’s social confidence. They practice making conversation, asking questions, and sharing their own stories. This practice can make socializing easier both during and after their imprisonment.
• Conflict Resolution: Writing letters is a safe space for expressing and resolving disagreements. If conflicts arise in correspondence, inmates learn to handle them constructively—skills they can apply in real-time social situations.
• Building Relationships: Successful pen pal relationships often lead to other positive social behaviors. Inmates who learn to foster and nurture these connections are more likely to form healthy relationships with fellow inmates, prison staff, and people outside prison walls.

Developing these social skills through pen pal interactions can transform an inmate’s experience, making them more positive and cooperative inside prison and better prepared for life after release.

Potential Risks and Controversies

While pen pal programs can offer numerous benefits to inmates, they also come with a set of risks and controversies that should not be overlooked. These issues need careful consideration to ensure the safety and well-being of both inmates and their pen pals.

Security Concerns

When inmates and outsiders start a pen pal relationship, security is a primary concern. Both sides risk exposure to certain dangers that need to be managed carefully.

• Personal Safety: For pen pals, sharing personal information with an inmate can be risky. If the relationship sours, free world people often fear there might be issues like stalking or identity theft. That’s why some prefer using the prison’s email systems, or renting a P.O. Box, instead of having to disclose their home address.
• Prison Security: Some Correctional Departments claim inmates with pen pals might misuse the relationship for illegal activities, like smuggling contraband. They could use coded language in letters to communicate with criminal associates outside the prison. They also worry an inmate might manipulate a vulnerable person into sending money, with the promise of a relationship once they’re released. This isn’t as common as most think, but it is believed to be in large part due to reality TV shows like Love After Lockup, which rarely depict a healthy pen pal relationship. After all, that wouldn’t get the ratings.
• Emotional Safety: Inmates might develop strong emotional attachments or dependencies on their pen pals. If their pen pals suddenly stop writing, it can lead to emotional distress or even violent reactions.

Monitoring these relationships can help reduce these risks, but it’s essential to stay vigilant. Setting clear boundaries and providing education on safe communication practices is crucial for everyone involved.

Emotional Manipulation

While many pen pal relationships are positive, there are cases where these connections turn manipulative. Understanding these risks can help both inmates and pen pals navigate their relationships more safely.

• Manipulative Behavior: Some inmates may use their pen pals to manipulate them emotionally. They might play on their pen pal’s empathy to gain money, favors, or even assistance with illegal activities. Likewise, some free-world pen pals could manipulate inmates, or use controlling tactics like “if you don’t do this or that, I’ll never write you again.” Sometimes, free-world people who fall in love with a pen pal are emotionally fragile, and that can be problematic for both parties.
• False Identities: There have been instances where inmates pretend to be someone they are not to trick their pen pals. They might lie about their crimes, intentions, or personal history to gain sympathy or financial support. We always suggest doing a google search for the inmate’s full name, state, and DOC number. Almost always, you can learn the crime they were convicted of on their state’s DOC website, by simply searching their name or inmate number. PenPals.Buzz checks each inmate’s stated “type of crime” to verify the information before publishing it. We list four types of crimes: Violent, non-violent, sex offense, and drug offense. Even still, there can be room for interpretation, so it’s always best to research it for yourself before writing, or at least before giving out your personal details.
• Emotional Rollercoaster: For pen pals, forming a bond with an inmate can lead to an emotional rollercoaster. They might feel responsible for the inmate’s emotional well-being, leading to anxiety and stress. The dynamic can become one-sided, with the pen pal providing constant support without receiving any in return.

It’s often a good idea for pen pals to stay aware and maintain a healthy distance, ensuring their own emotional well-being while supporting their inmate friends.

Understanding these potential downsides helps in creating more secure and positive pen pal relationships. Addressing these risks transparently ensures that both inmates and pen pals can enjoy the benefits of their correspondence without unnecessary distress.

Success Stories and Case Studies

Exploring the tangible outcomes of pen pal programs in prisons reveals both individual and broader successes. These stories highlight the transformative power of human connection.

Individual Success Stories

Highlighting specific examples of inmates who have benefited from pen pal programs can illustrate the profound impact of these relationships. These personal stories showcase the human side of rehabilitation.

1. John’s Journey to Redemption: John, a convicted felon, had lost all connection with the outside world. He felt isolated and hopeless. When he joined a pen pal program, he matched with Sarah, a school teacher who simply wanted to make a difference. Over the course of their correspondence, John found a new purpose. Sarah’s support encouraged him to pursue his GED. He studied hard and eventually passed. Today, John credits Sarah and the pen pal program for turning his life around.
2. Maria’s Path to Reintegration: Maria was serving a lengthy sentence for drug-related offenses. Her pen pal, Lucy, was a social worker with a passion for helping others. Through their letters, Maria discovered a world of opportunities she never knew existed. Lucy helped Maria plan her post-release life, providing resources for job training and counseling. Maria now works as a peer counselor, using her story to inspire others to make positive changes.
3. David’s Emotional Healing: David struggled with severe depression while in prison. His pen pal connection provided a vital emotional outlet. Writing to Emily, a college student studying psychology, helped David express feelings he had long suppressed. Emily’s letters, filled with empathy and encouragement, became a lifeline. David’s mental health improved significantly, allowing him to engage more positively with prison programs and fellow inmates.
4. Steve and Anya’s Love Story: The founder of PenPals.Buzz met his wife, in 2014, on Friends Beyond the Wall (another penpal site for inmates). She moved from Norway to the USA, and they have now been married for almost two years. That inspired him to start PenPals.Buzz, and help thousands of other inmates in similar situations.

Program-Wide Successes

Beyond individual stories, entire organizations have seen broad successes with pen pal programs. These collective achievements underscore the efficacy and importance of these initiatives.

• PenPals.Buzz.com: Our organization has facilitated over a thousand pen pal connections since its inception. Inmates who participate in our platform are more likely to pursue education and vocational training. They’re also less likely to reoffend upon release. Only 2% of the over two-million prison inmates in the USA have a pen pal. We’re trying to drastically change that number, as so many success stories can be attributed to the friendships formed through our pen pal network.
• Prison Fellowship: Focused on faith-based rehabilitation, Prison Fellowship’s pen pal program has seen notable results. Inmates in their program have reported higher levels of hope and spiritual growth. The program emphasizes mentorship, and many former participants now serve as mentors to current inmates, creating a cycle of positive reinforcement and support.
• The Salvation Army’s “Second Chance” Program: This initiative pairs inmates with volunteers from various walks of life. The program has seen measurable improvements in inmates’ behavior and participation in prison activities. Reports show that inmates involved in “Second Chance” are 30% less likely to return to prison after release. Their success is attributed to the emotional and practical support they receive from their pen pals.

These case studies and success stories demonstrate how pen pal programs can be a powerful tool in inmate rehabilitation. By fostering genuine human connections, both inmates and pen pals find hope, purpose, and a path to a better future.

Guidelines and Best Practices

Writing to inmates can be uplifting, but it’s important to follow some guidelines and best practices to ensure a positive experience.

1. Follow the Rules Each prison has specific rules about correspondence, and these rules are becoming increasingly confusing and bizarre. Make sure you know and follow these guidelines to avoid any issues.

• No Gifts or Money: Most prisons prohibit sending gifts or money. Stick to letters and approved items. It’s safer to start out writing with blank ink, on white lined paper, and sending no more than 2 or 3 pages until the inmate tells you the specific rules. No glitter, perfume, colored markers, stickers, etc.
• Respect Privacy: Avoid sharing personal information like your address or phone number until you feel comfortable. Use a P.O. box if possible. We recommend renting a private P.O. Box from a company like iPostal. They will even forward mail to you, without an inmate ever knowing your real location or address. For instance, you could have a P.O. Box in New York City, but you live in Arkansas. If you enjoy phone calls with your pen pal, we suggest using a service like Hushed.com which will sell you a private phone number for life (for just $25) so you can keep your pen pal calls separate from your work and home life and have full control over when you’re available to receive calls.
• Keep it Positive: Inmates benefit from positive and encouraging letters. Try to be a source of hope and support. Don’t dwell too much on the negative, at least at first. And avoid anything that hints that their life might be better than yours. One pet peeve among many inmates is reading something like this in a letter: “You guys are lucky because you get your laundry done for you, and you don’t have to pay for food. I wish I had someone prepare meals for me every day.” While this is well-meaning, it is rarely received well by an inmate.

2. Set Clear Boundaries It’s essential to maintain healthy boundaries in your pen pal relationship.

• Be Honest: From the start, be clear about your intentions and limits. If you’re comfortable writing once a month, say so.
• Stay Safe: Don’t share overly personal or sensitive information. Remember, your safety comes first.
• Know When to Stop: If the correspondence becomes uncomfortable or inappropriate, it’s okay to stop. Trust your instincts. If you do stop, we suggest writing a short letter to the pen pal telling them goodbye. This way, they won’t have the anxiety of worrying or wondering if you’re OK. It’s best just to let them know you are moving on. Unless, of course, they are abusive, in which case, just go away.

3. What to Expect Going into this, understand that inmates may have different experiences and expectations.

• Response Times: Mail might take a while, sometimes a very long while, to reach the inmate and for them to respond. Be patient. Remember, they don’t have direct internet access and can’t generally respond immediately.
• Emotional Needs: Inmates may share personal stories or struggles. Be prepared to listen and provide support, but know your limits.
• Consistency Matters: Regular writing can help build a strong connection. Try to write at consistent intervals to maintain the relationship. Disappearing for months on end can cause anxiety and fear in many inmates. If you only have time to write a quick postcard, just do that.

4. Writing Tips Here are some tips to keep your letters engaging and supportive:

• Introduce Yourself: Start by sharing some basic information about yourself. It helps build trust and familiarity.
• Ask Questions: Encourage dialogue by asking about their interests, experiences, and goals.
• Share News: Updates about the outside world can be refreshing. Talk about current events, hobbies, or anything light-hearted…even what you ate for lunch!
• Be Genuine: Authenticity matters. Be yourself and write from the heart. Try not to lecture too much in the first few letters. That can always come later.

Getting involved in a pen pal program offers a meaningful way to support inmates, helping them feel connected and valued. By following these guidelines and choosing the right organization, you can make a positive impact on someone’s life.

Conclusion

Pen pal programs can change inmates’ lives by offering emotional support, boosting mental health, and lowering recidivism rates. These simple acts of letter-writing help inmates improve communication skills, build social connections, and feel less isolated. However, it’s vital to manage security risks and emotional dependencies. Clear guidelines and proper boundaries safeguard both inmates and pen pals. Start writing an inmate today and make a meaningful difference. Your letters could give an inmate the support they need to transform their future.

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