Every letter from the outside carries with it a spark of hope. As prisoners, we hold onto those sparks, hoping letters from a new pen pal might grow into something even more meaningful — friendships, understanding, or even a sense of purpose. But lately, I’ve noticed a pattern that has been difficult to ignore: many women who reach out admit they’re only writing because they’re bored or because they have run out of options elsewhere.
I understand boredom. I know what it feels like to want something… anything… to shake up the monotony of life. But when the letters stop being serious or fade into casual neglect, it’s hard not to feel like the connection was never meant to be real in the first place.
For those of us behind these walls, letters are more than just words on a page. They’re a connection to the world, a way to feel seen, and to remind ourselves that we’re still human. When someone takes the time to write, we don’t just see it as a passing distraction; we see it as an opportunity for something greater.
We’re not looking for pity or charity. Most of us don’t expect anyone to fix our problems or erase the mistakes of our past. What we do hope for is sincerity. A letter with genuine effort shows us we’re worth your time, even for a moment. It tells us that, despite our circumstances, there’s someone out there who is willing to see the person behind their label of “prisoner.”
“When women admit they’re writing because they’re bored, it stings.”
When women admit they’re writing because they’re bored, it stings. It’s not that we don’t appreciate their honesty; it’s that it feels transactional, hollow, and temporary. For many of us, this connection is one of the only things we have to hold onto. Feeling like a last resort is often painful and discouraging.
If you’re thinking about writing to someone in prison, I encourage you to reflect on your true intentions. Are you open to creating a bond that could make a difference in both of your lives? Are you willing to be consistent, even when life gets busy or letters feel slow?
Contrary to what some may think, prisoners aren’t just looking for romance or financial support. Many of us have stories of resilience, transformation, and growth that we want to share. We’ve had to confront ourselves in ways most people never will. In these connections, there’s a chance to learn from one another and to gain new perspectives that challenge the way you see the world.
A letter isn’t just a way to fill your time — it’s a bridge. It’s an opportunity to connect with someone and offer honesty, gratitude, and maybe even a little wisdom. If you do decide to write, here are a few suggestions to create a stronger connection:
- Be Authentic. Share your thoughts, your interests, and what brought you to write in the first place
- Ask Real Questions. Go beyond small talk. Ask about their story, their dreams, or their reflections on life
- Be Consisitent. A bond can’t grow without effort on both sides. If you start writing, try to keep the communication going
- Set Boundaries. If you’re unsure about what you’re looking for, keep reading!
To the women who write because they’re bored or unsure of what they want, I ask you to consider this: what if you wrote with purpose? What if you allowed yourself to see us not as prisoners, but as people with stories, struggles, and the capacity to grow? We don’t need perfection, and we’re not expecting you to change our lives. All we ask is that, if you choose to write, you approach it with sincerity and an open heart. For many of us, even the smallest effort can mean everything.
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About the author: Luis Paz is a lifetime member of PenPals.Buzz. He’s incarcerated in Tennessee, and enjoys journaling, reflecting on life, and pushing himself forward. Write to him at: Luis Paz #526750, Hardeman County Correctional Facility, 2520 Union Springs Road, Whiteville, TN 38075.
