Greetings! My apologies for the delay. Summer is always a challenging season to navigate in ye olde prison/lesbian college. For school, summer semester is condensed, 12 weeks instead of 15, though the workload stays the same. In my state, we kicked off the season with several weeks of heat waves that had my room/ cell boiling at around 94° F, which makes it very difficult to think. On the other hand, warm weather provides an opportunity to go outside and socialize with women from the other units, which is valuable, but also demands a lot of time. No wonder my prime writing season is when it gets cold and nobody else is crazy enough to sit under the pavilion.
Besides school, socializing, and taking cold temperature-reducing showers, I’ve also been reinstated in my jewelry business. The prison allows me to purchase beading supplies and sell to the other inmates. I provide the costly supplies, the labor to make the products, and the selling. The prison gives me permission to do so, runs the paperwork, and provides a literally captive market. For that, it requires a full 20% of all my net sales. Or is it gross? Whichever one means I pay out BEFORE factoring in the cost of supplies. Still, if I sell a charm for $5, the prison takes $1, and it cost $1, I’m still receiving $3. Which is about what we make every 3 or 4 days working for the state. ($20 / month).
So, I have been hard at work creating beautiful pieces to sell to the ladies to send home as gifts, or wear themselves (if they are willing to skirt the rules). Part of the fun is working around the restrictions that have been placed on our supplies. Instead of crimping pliers, I have tweezers and toenail clippers. We aren’t allowed to purchase chains to sell, so I bead my own out of tiny seed beads. Figuring out how to turn trash into treasure is a great deal of fun as I come up with creative solutions for desires in the market, or for supplies I’m not sure what to do with. I recently discovered a huge profit opportunity from simply putting together a set of “findings” in a certain way and making them into charm bracelets. (Which I would not be allowed to purchase pre-made).
The rules wax and wane, and you never know what is going to be allowed, even if you previously received the same item. The biggest pain, however, is not being allowed to purchase beads that “come on strands”, because apparently, they ” look” pre-made. Never mind that there is no way to actually wear a strand of beads, or that that is literally how most beads are sold. It makes my desire to work with real semi-precious gemstones difficult, so I am pivoting to view this more like a real business, rather than a service to the spiritually sensitive in the compound. Besides, I’ve found a way to fill that niche as well by keeping gemstone pendants (pre-made… always allowed) in stock.
I recently got a commission from a white shirt (Sargent) I know, who requested a pink and sparkly decoration for her rearview mirror. I delivered with multi-strand glam made of rose quartz and faceted glass crystal. (picture included!) I have to say, I outdid myself, and I can’t wait to design more along the same line (just as soon as these pesky finals are over!).
Additionally, my birthday is coming up on the 15th! Despite having had some bad ones in the past, I stubbornly adore my birthday. I flit around and tell everybody as if I were 5 years old instead of 34 years old. This year, I’ve also decided it will be “buy YOURSELF a present day”. (From me, naturally). And I’ll offer a discount and give away free gifts. I’m planning on using my typewriter to type up famous quotes and my business name and paste them to nice cardstock for bookmarks. I even have a favor I can cash in to get them laminated.
This summer hasn’t been all fun in the sun, however. It has been punctuated by tragedy. For the 5 years I have been down, I have known a woman we’ll call Janelle who is a ” lifer”. Around 60 years old (though she doesn’t look it), she has been imprisoned for many decades, but her parole is coming up. She recently got in a LOT of trouble for a very minor infraction. One that will almost certainly extend her sentence an additional 5 years. Possibly indefinitely. All because some young person decided to take her down a peg and cry wolf.
In a pattern that never fails to confuse me, this institution regularly fails to take into account a person’s character. Or, more often, rewards those with poor character and punishes those with good character. I’ve experienced this myself. Janelle has many complexities, but she is stalwart, hardworking, and a rule follower. Despite her lengthy incarceration, she still has a kind (yet guarded) heart. She enjoyed helping people and being useful. Sometimes she told people what to do, but it is certain she did nothing that deserved the punishment she received.
A plan is forming in my head as I write this. I’ve already talked to the college advisor whom she worked for, and asked him to write a letter to the parole board on her behalf. I wonder if I could collect letters or signatures from the other inmates here as well. Showing support for her and attesting to her character.
The most frightening idea that is forming is to talk to the girl who brought this down on her, and try to get to the root of the situation. Maybe even encourage her to retract or to write a letter to the parole board herself, if it’s not too late.
I have no clue how to approach a conversation like that. Clearly, my primary goal would have to be to create a receptive space for the other woman, and try to help her heal. My instinct is that by addressing some past trauma, we might be able to discover what triggered her, and decouple that from her current experiences. Hopefully help her to heal that original layer, so it doesn’t continue to cause her lasting pain.
Of course, to do any of that, I’ll have to get her to talk to me. I’m a little afraid for my safety. This isn’t a very violent place, but the prison has already shown me that it will not interfere if/when I get assaulted. But actually, I’m more afraid of venturing into the unknown. There are no standard social scripts written for this kind of conversation. People who don’t know each other do not just walk up to the other and offer an impromptu (and unaccredited) therapy session. It’s uncharted territory. According to pop culture, it would be way more expected and normal for me to go fight her. Which is exactly what I don’t want to do! Not just because it wouldn’t get me what I want, but because adding more pain to the world just… Adds more pain to the world.
I know if I can foster healing, that will be useful. Even if it doesn’t get me the exact aim that I am going for, it will lead to future boons for all of humanity. It can only be a good thing.
All I can do is try. Or… Wait for an opportunity to present itself. I don’t ever see this girl, but she was once pointed out to me, and I think I would recognize her. Worst case scenario (aside from getting assaulted and punished for it… Again) is I do nothing. Attempt nothing. But I do think about it and turn it over in my brain enough that it rewires itself enough that I will be more likely to take action in the future. Perhaps a different event.
I want to try and help, but even if I don’t, I know that this is a learning situation and that my efforts here can lead to results in the future. I offer myself no promises. But I know I want to be a helping person, and that to do so, I must de-program my helplessness and “not my problem” mindset. I might not succeed. I might not even try (this time). And, I’m certainly not willing to turn this issue into my life purpose. But I do think there is room for it. And I am creative enough that I can find ways to try and figure out a way to give it some kind of a shot.
And that is exactly the upshot of living,
We get to try.
Love and Light,
Sirii Mali
